Thursday, September 3, 2009

Something Great For God

I realized something today. That I’ve wanted to give myself to something greater since I was little. I just didn’t know what that ‘something’ was.

As a child even, I remember being inspired to do something great. I wanted to give myself over to accomplish a great feat. I felt that I could be a missionary in the most unheard of parts of the world. And if not that, even in looking at careers when I was a bit older, I wanted to do something totally awesome. I felt like I had to go all out, or go home. A philosophy which sometimes is a great thing, but also hinders me in life I’ve realized. But I looked at being an EMT, or working in the emergency room itself, being a policewoman, a firefighter, joining the army, etc. It’s obvious all of these are service oriented careers, and I wanted to do a great service.

Now, I realize, that ‘something’ greater, though I couldn’t see it before, that desire, can be fulfilled by being the spouse of Jesus Christ. It is truly doing something Great, for God. It is more than I could have dreamed for myself, but Jesus has been leading me to it my entire life. And I still seem to have that missionary spirit…I want to travel, to see, to help, to serve the People of God, and in doing bring Jesus to them, and see Jesus in them.

I’ve noticed whenever I’ve gone on a missionary type trip, It’s when I’ve felt the most ALIVE. And I experienced that to even greater lengths when I visited a round of holy religious sisters. That trip awoke in my heart a desire that I didn’t know I had long had. I knew I belonged with a community of women religious. People as devoted to Jesus as I wanted to be. It’s hard to describe, but, it’s like they were made of the same fabric, they ‘fit’ with who I felt God was leading me to. Those who ultimately are in our same vocation, I think, have that effect on us.

Now my task lies in finding that specific community, where I will feel it is home. I keep trusting, praying, and searching, confident that God will light up the darkness ahead of me. Just light enough, so that I can take the next step, but also dark enough that I allow Jesus to take me by the Hand, and lead me while He lights the way.

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